We​ ​are​ ​all​ ​inevitably​ ​going​ ​to​ ​face​ ​moments​ ​of​ ​disappointment​ ​in​ ​our​ ​life​: disappointments​ ​from​ ​work,​ ​family,​ ​friends,​ ​society,​ ​and​ ​even​ ​ourselves.​ ​That’s​ ​the​ ​very nature​ ​of​ ​the​ ​world​ ​we​ ​live​ ​in​; ​it’s​ ​not​ ​ideal,​ ​it’s​ ​not​ ​perfect,​ ​and​ ​shortcomings​ ​are bound​ ​to​ ​happen​ ​from​ ​others​ ​and​ ​from​ ​ourselves. The​ ​questions then arise: How​ ​do​ ​we​ ​deal​ ​with​ ​these​ ​disappointments?​ ​How​ ​do​ ​we​ ​reconcile​ ​our need​ ​to​ ​have​ ​fulfilling​ ​jobs​ ​and​ ​relationships​ ​as well as ​fulfill​ ​our​ ​own​ ​promises​ ​to​ ​ourselves, when​ ​we​ ​as​ ​well​ ​as​ ​others​ ​are​ ​humans​ ​who​ ​can​ ​be​ ​weak​ ​and​ ​forgetful? How​ ​do​ ​we​ ​forgive​ ​when​ ​we’re​ ​hurt?​ ​How​ ​do​ ​we​ ​“forget”​ ​when​ ​we​ ​need​ ​to​ ​move​ ​on? How​ ​do​ ​we​ ​overcome​ ​intense​ ​feelings​ ​of​ ​disappointment​ ​and​ ​sometimes​ ​disbelief​ ​about what​ ​happens​ ​around​ ​us?

Nobody​ ​said​ ​it​ ​was​ ​going​ ​to​ ​be​ ​easy​. In​ ​fact​ ​we​ ​are​ ​told​:

لَقَدْ خَلَقْنَا الْإِنسَانَ فِي كَبَدٍ 

​“Verily​ ​We​ ​have​ ​created​ ​the human​ ​being​ ​into​ ​toil​ ​and​ ​struggle” [Surah Al-Balad;4]

We​ ​hope,​ ​we​ ​dream,​ ​we​ ​strive,​ ​we​ ​build​ ​and​ ​yes​ ​indeed​ ​we​ ​can​ ​fail,​ ​fall,​ ​and​ ​feel​ ​hurt, betrayal,​ ​and​ ​just​ ​simply​ ​experience a​ ​lack​ ​of​ ​empathy​ ​and​ ​compassion​ ​from​ ​others.​ ​However,​ ​we can​ ​get​ ​back​ ​up,​ ​try​ ​again,​ ​hope​ ​again,​ ​dream​ ​again,​ ​strive​ ​again​ ​and​ ​build​ ​again.​ ​We​ ​can succeed​ ​again.​ ​We​ ​can​ ​be​ ​happy​ ​and​ ​fulfilled​ ​again, if we just follow these five steps:

1)​ ​Go Back To Allah 

​Seek​ ​comfort​ ​in the knowledge​ ​​that​ ​Your​ ​Creator knows​ ​exactly​ ​what​ ​happened,​ ​how​ ​you​ ​feel,​ ​how​ ​it​ ​impacted​ ​you​ ​and​ ​indeed​ ​has​ ​the power​ ​to​ ​heal​ ​what​ ​is​ ​hurt,​ ​mend​ ​what​ ​is​ ​broken,​ ​and​ ​grant​​ ​acceptance​ ​and serenity. Here​ ​are​ ​some​ ​points​ ​to​ ​think​ ​about:

Understand​ ​​the​ ​attributes​ ​of​ ​Allah​ ​​ ​: ​Comprehending Allah’s names like Ar-Rahman​ ​(The​ ​All-Merciful), Ar-Raheem​ ​(The​ ​All-Compassionate),​ ​Al-Malik​ ​(The​ ​King),​ ​Al-Wadood​ ​(The​ ​Loving), Al-Hakeem​ ​(The​ ​All-Wise),​ ​Al-Aleem​ ​(The​ ​All-Knowing),​ ​Al-Kareem​ ​(The​ ​All​ ​Generous), and​ ​the​ ​many​ ​other​ ​descriptions​ ​of​ ​Allah​ ​​ will ​provide​ ​a​ ​source​ ​of​ ​comfort​ ​and strength​ ​that​ ​​The​ ​Creator​ ​of​ ​the​ ​Heavens​ ​and​ ​the​ ​Earths​ ​is there to take​ ​care​ ​of​ ​our every​ ​single​ ​need.

“Seek help through patience and prayer,” as we are ​told​ ​in​ ​the​ ​Quran:​

وَاسْتَعِينُوا بِالصَّبْرِ وَالصَّلَاةِ ۚ وَإِنَّهَا لَكَبِيرَةٌ إِلَّا عَلَى الْخَاشِعِينَ 

​“And​ ​seek​ ​help​ ​through​ ​patience​ ​and​ ​prayer,​ ​and​ ​indeed, it​ ​is​ ​difficult​ ​except​ ​for​ ​the​ ​humbly​ ​submissive​ ​(to​ ​Allah)”​ ​[Surah Al-Baqarah;4]

Make dua’a: When​ ​it​ ​comes​ ​to​ ​dua’a,​ ​we​ ​are​ ​told​ ​in​ ​the​ ​Quran:​ ​

وَإِذَا سَأَلَكَ عِبَادِي عَنِّي فَإِنِّي قَرِيبٌ ۖ أُجِيبُ دَعْوَةَ الدَّاعِ إِذَا دَعَانِ ۖ فَلْيَسْتَجِيبُوا لِي وَلْيُؤْمِنُوا بِي لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْشُدُونَ

“If​ ​my​ ​servants​ ​ask​ ​you​ ​about​ ​me, then​ ​tell​ ​them​ ​I​ ​am​ ​near,​ ​and​ ​I​ ​answer​ ​the​ ​call​ ​of​ ​the​ ​one​ ​who​ ​calls​ ​on​ ​to​ ​me”​ ​[Al-Baqarah;186]

​We​ ​all​ ​need​ ​something​ ​in​ ​life​ ​and​ ​strive​ ​to​ ​achieve​ ​some​ ​goals​ ​– we​ ​all​ ​need​ ​faith​ ​and​ ​guidance,. We​ ​all​ ​want​ ​love,​ ​​shelter,​ ​sustenance,​ ​and​ ​caring,​ ​supportive​ ​family​ ​and​ ​community.​ ​We​ ​all​ ​want​ ​to​ ​be healthy​ ​and​ ​happy,​ ​and to​ ​have​ ​a​ ​great​ ​vision​ ​that​ ​we​ ​strive​ ​to​ ​actualize,​ ​among many​ ​other​ ​wishes​ ​and​ ​aspirations.

When​ ​we​ ​are​ ​met​ ​with​ ​disappointment​ ​over​ ​lost​ ​hopes​ ​and​ ​goals,​ ​we​ ​need​ ​to​ ​keep searching​ ​deep​ ​inside​ ​our​ ​hearts​ ​for​ ​our​ ​innermost​ ​desires​ ​and​ ​call​ ​unto​ ​Allah​ ​, knowing​ ​that​ ​no​ ​dua’a​ ​is​ ​too​ ​great​ ​for​ ​Him,​ ​and​ ​that​ ​the​ ​power​ ​of​ ​dua’a ​is​ ​truly beyond​ ​our​ ​imagination.

2)​ ​Adjust Your Expectations​ ​

We​ ​are​ ​told​ ​about​ ​the​ ​inherent imperfections​ ​of​ ​the​ ​world​ ​we​ ​live​ ​in​ ​over​ ​and​ ​over​ ​again​ ​in​ ​the​ ​Quran​ ​and​ ​we​ ​are​ ​a witness​ ​to​ ​it​ ​yet over​ ​and​ ​over​ ​again ​every​ ​time​ ​we​ ​experience​ ​some​ ​sort​ ​of​ ​disappointment.

أَمْ حَسِبْتُمْ أَن تَدْخُلُوا الْجَنَّةَ وَلَمَّا يَأْتِكُم مَّثَلُ الَّذِينَ خَلَوْا مِن قَبْلِكُم ۖ مَّسَّتْهُمُ الْبَأْسَاءُ وَالضَّرَّاءُ وَزُلْزِلُوا حَتَّىٰ يَقُولَ الرَّسُولُ وَالَّذِينَ آمَنُوا مَعَهُ مَتَىٰ نَصْرُ اللَّهِ ۗ أَلَا إِنَّ نَصْرَ اللَّهِ قَرِيبٌ 

“Or​ ​do​ ​you​ ​think​ ​that​ ​you​ ​will​ ​enter​ ​Paradise​ ​while​ ​such​ ​(trial) ​has​ ​not​ ​yet​ ​come​ ​to​ ​you as​ ​came​ ​to​ ​those​ ​who​ ​passed​ ​on​ ​before​ ​you?​ ​They​ ​were​ ​touched​ ​by​ ​poverty​ ​and​ ​hardship and​ ​were​ ​shaken​ ​until​ ​(even​ ​their)​ ​messenger​ ​and​ ​those​ ​who​ ​believed​ ​with​ ​him​ ​said “When​ ​is​ ​the​ ​help​ ​of​ ​Allah?”​ ​Unquestionably,​ ​the​ ​help​ ​of​ ​Allah​ ​is​ ​near.” [Al-Baqarah;214]

 

وَلَنَبْلُوَنَّكُم بِشَيْءٍ مِّنَ الْخَوْفِ وَالْجُوعِ وَنَقْصٍ مِّنَ الْأَمْوَالِ وَالْأَنفُسِ وَالثَّمَرَاتِ ۗ وَبَشِّرِ الصَّابِرِينَ 

“And​ ​certainly,​ ​We​ ​shall​ ​test​ ​you​ ​with​ ​something​ ​of​ ​fear,​ ​hunger,​ ​loss​ ​of​ ​wealth,​ ​lives and​ ​fruits,​ ​but​ ​give​ ​glad​ ​tidings​ ​to​ ​As-Sabirin​ ​(the​ ​patient​ ​ones)​ ​…”​ ​[Al-Baqarah;155]

So​ ​you​ ​can​ ​learn​ ​how​ ​to​ ​work​ ​through​ ​disappointment​ ​by​ ​expecting​ ​that​ ​you​ ​are​ ​bound to​ ​encounter​ ​situations​ ​that​ ​challenge​ ​you​ ​and​ ​could​ ​indeed​ ​cause​ ​worry,​ ​sadness,​ ​and pain.​ ​Know​ ​that​ ​as​ ​you​ ​experience​ ​more​ ​of​ ​these​ ​situations,​ ​you​ ​will​ ​grow​ ​stronger. Remember​ ​though​, that ​growing​ ​stronger​ ​does​ ​not​ ​mean​ ​that​ ​the​ ​heart​ ​grows​ ​harder​; rather ​it should​ ​mean​ ​that​ ​our​ ​hearts​ ​are​ ​actually​ ​softer​ ​and​ ​able​ ​to​ ​show​ ​more​ ​compassion​ ​for others.​ ​In​ ​fact,​ ​it​ ​can​ ​mean​ ​that​ ​the​ ​heart​ ​is​ ​so​ ​alive​ ​and​ ​so​ ​in​ ​touch​ ​with​ ​its​ ​feelings​ ​and those​ ​of​ ​others,​ ​that​ ​it​ ​can​ ​be​ ​such​ ​a​ ​source​ ​of​ ​strength​ ​in​ ​difficult​ ​times.​ ​Think​ ​of​ ​the difference​ ​you​ ​can​ ​make​ ​to​ ​others​ ​who​ ​have​ ​gone​ ​through​ ​difficult​ ​times​ ​when​ ​you​ ​can reach​ ​out​ ​and​ ​support​ ​them​ ​because​ ​you​ ​know​ ​exactly​ ​how​ ​they​ ​feel.Our​ ​belief​ ​in​ ​fate​ also ​gives​ ​us​ ​assurance​ ​that​ ​there​ ​is​ ​nothing​ ​that​ ​can​ ​happen​ ​to​ ​us without​ ​the​ ​will​ ​of​ ​Allah​ ​​ ​as​ ​per​ ​the​ ​Prophet’s​ ​​ ​hadith:

“O​ ​young​ ​man,​ ​I​ ​shall​ ​teach​ ​you​ ​some​ ​words​ ​[of​ ​advice]:​ ​Be​ ​mindful​ ​of​ ​Allah​ ​and​ ​Allah will​ ​protect​ ​you.​ ​Be​ ​mindful​ ​of​ ​Allah​ ​and​ ​you​ ​will​ ​find​ ​Him​ ​in​ ​front​ ​of​ ​you.​ ​If​ ​you​ ​ask, then​ ​ask​ ​Allah​ ​[alone];​ ​and​ ​if​ ​you​ ​seek​ ​help, then​ ​seek​ ​help​ ​from​ ​Allah​ ​[alone].​ ​And know​ ​that​ ​if​ ​the​ ​nation​ ​were​ ​to​ ​gather​ ​together​ ​to​ ​benefit​ ​you​ ​with​ ​anything,​ ​they​ ​would not​ ​benefit​ ​you​ ​except​ ​with​ ​what​ ​Allah​ ​had​ ​already​ ​prescribed​ ​for​ ​you.​ ​And​ ​if​ ​they​ ​were to​ ​gather​ ​together​ ​to​ ​harm​ ​you​ ​with​ ​anything,​ ​they​ ​would​ ​not​ ​harm​ ​you​ ​except​ ​with what​ ​Allah​ ​had​ ​already​ ​prescribed​ ​against​ ​you.​ ​The​ ​pens​ ​have​ ​been​ ​lifted​ ​and​ ​the​ ​pages have​ ​dried.”​ ​[At-​ ​Tirmidhi]

3)​ ​(Re)Focus On What Really Matters In Life

​If there is​ ​a​ ​moment,​ ​an​ ​encounter,​ ​or​ ​a​ ​situation​ ​that​ ​has​ ​happened​ ​and​ ​is​ ​upsetting​ ​you, yet​ ​it​ ​really​ ​has​ ​no​ ​greater​ ​impact​ ​on​ ​your​ ​priorities​ ​and​ ​values​ ​in​ ​life,​ ​try​ ​to​ ​not​ ​allow​ ​it to​ ​take​ ​up​ ​too​ ​much​ ​of​ ​your​ ​time​ ​and​ ​thought. Do​ ​what​ ​you​ ​can​ ​to​ ​deal​ ​with​ ​it​ ​in​ ​the​ ​way​ ​that​ ​is​ ​best​ ​aligned​ ​with​ ​the​ ​highest​ ​moral characters,​ ​and​ ​then​ ​move​ ​on.​ ​With​ ​time,​ ​this​ ​will​ ​get​ ​easier.​ ​At​ ​the​ ​end​ ​of​ ​the​ ​day,​ ​one can’t​ ​‘fix’​ ​everything.​ ​One​ ​can’t​ ​be​ ​everyone’s​ ​best​ ​friend.​ ​And​ ​one​ ​can’t​ ​please​ ​everyone. Basically​ ​if​ ​what​ ​you’re​ ​doing​ ​is​ ​pleasing​ ​to​ ​the​ ​Creator,​ ​then​ ​worry​ ​less​ ​about​ ​the creation.

4)​ ​Build ‘Resilience’

This is the​ ​ability​ ​to​ ​overcome​ ​difficult circumstances​ ​and​ ​‘bounce​ ​back’​ ​stronger​ ​than​ ​before.​ ​For​ ​some,​ ​resilience​ ​is​ ​built​ ​as you​ ​encounter​ ​more​ ​experiences​ ​and​ ​grow​ ​older.​ ​Resilience​ ​allows​ ​you​ ​to​ ​actualize​ ​one of​ ​the​ ​greatest​ ​keys​ ​to​ ​success,​ ​according​ ​to​ ​personal​ ​development​ ​experts,​ ​which​ ​is​ ​to believe​ ​that​ ​we​ ​are​ ​not​ ​the​ ​results​ ​of​ ​our​ ​circumstances.​ ​It​ ​allows​ ​us​ ​to​ ​come​ ​back​ ​and try​ ​again,​ ​even​ ​after​ ​great​ ​disappointment​ ​because​ ​we​ ​did​ ​not​ ​want​ ​to​ ​allow circumstances​ ​to​ ​dictate​ ​who​ ​we​ ​are​ ​or​ ​the​ ​quality​ ​of​ ​our​ ​life. Poverty,​ ​illness,​ ​sadness,​ ​wars,​ ​natural​ ​disasters,​ ​and​ ​a​ ​lack​ ​of​ ​safety,​ ​a​ ​lack​ ​of opportunity​ ​or​ ​social​ ​support​ ​and​ ​other​ ​unfortunate​ ​circumstances​ ​do​ ​not​ ​have​ ​to​ ​doom a​ ​person​ ​to​ ​misery.​ ​

5)​ ​Learn How To Take Care Of Yourself

​ ​Many​ ​of​ ​us (​especially​ ​if​ ​you’re​ ​a woman​ ​and​ ​a​ ​caregiver/mother) ​are​ ​constantly​ ​giving​ ​to​ ​others​ ​around​ ​you. However,​ ​remember​ ​that you​ ​cannot​ ​give​ ​from​ ​an​ ​empty​ ​cup​ ​or​ ​have​ ​the​ ​strength​ ​to overcome​ ​disappointments​ ​and​ ​struggles if you don’t take good care of yourself.​ ​Take​ ​care​ ​of​ ​your​ ​body​ ​by​ ​sleeping​ ​well, eating​ ​a​ ​healthy​ ​diet​ ​(filled​ ​with​ ​protein,​ ​omega-3​ ​rich​ ​foods,​ ​anti-oxidants,​ ​plenty​ ​of water,​ ​and by eliminating​ ​toxins​ ​like​ ​artificial​ ​sweeteners),​ ​and​ ​of​ ​course​ ​exercise (which​ ​has been​ ​shown​ ​to​ ​be​ ​just​ ​as​ ​effective​ ​as​ ​anti-depressants​ ​and​ ​subhan​Allah​ ​is​ ​a​ ​natural​ ​way to​ ​release​ ​endorphins​ ​[the​ ​“happy”​ ​hormones”]).​ ​